People often question if they are dating a narcissist and sometimes they don’t even really know what a narcissist is. Let me start with the definition and then discuss some red flags and traits that are common to narcissism.
According to Wikipedia*: Narcissism is a mental disorder and the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self-image and attributes. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Now let’s get into the traits and red flags.
They are pathological liars and can rationalize anything
Narcissists don’t feel that they need to tell the truth, especially if it will negatively impact them. They think nothing of lying directly to your face without blinking an eye. They may have difficulties remember what the actual truth is because often, they start to believe their own lies.
They will also rationalize the most ridiculous things. For example, “I was spending time with him/her, because I was so sad about us.” or “If you just gave me more attention, I wouldn’t need to hang out with her/him”
They put on a show for others
They will behave in a way to make others view them as the most amazing person and partner. It may be a challenge for them to keep up the charade when they spend a lot of time around others, but for the most part, they can pull it off for quite some time. It makes me laugh when I hear people say, “he/she has anger issues” when in reality, if the person can control their anger in public, they can most certainly control it in private.
They are always right.
Unless you have undeniable evidence, and sometimes even if you, they cannot be wrong. You could try to convince them until you lose your voice, but it will make absolutely no difference in their opinion.
Arguing with a narcissist is as productive as arguing with a toddler.
They love drama
If you’re a drama free person and now you are in a relationship with a narcissist, be prepared for the drama you experienced in high school because shit just got real. They are bored without drama and excitement in their lives. Normalcy and healthy relationships are too boring for them, and then when you finally decide to move on and are in a healthy relationship, it takes you some time to realize that you’re not in a boring relationship because there is no yelling, arguing, and dysfunction, you’re content. That’s when the true happiness, peace and genuine love exists.
They only do what’s best for them
All of the nice things they do for you, is to take the heat off of them and so that they can use it against you at another time. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for everything” turns into “You don’t pay for shit around here- you should appreciate it!” One of the best tricks they have is buying gifts or doing extravagant things for you when they are in the dog house and then later reminding you of how much money they spend on you.
They have no empathy
If you are sick or sad, they won’t feel bad, UNLESS they are in the love bombing or hoovering stage of the relationship. If a stranger is sick or loses a loved one, they will say how bad they feel and offer to do things for that person- but if its you? Suck it up and get over it. Also, don’t forget that you have to empathize with them, even though they don’t have any empathy for you. Even if they caused the events that led up their sadness, hurt or trouble, you better feel bad and be by their side.
They need attention, and lots of it.
The attention that they crave is constant and it doesn’t have to be positive attention. They love any form of attention, but even more so when it’s from the opposite sex. They can never get enough -they are insatiable. If they aren’t getting it from you, they will get it somewhere else, and often, they will get it from somewhere else even if you are giving them all the attention in the world.
They think the are superior to others
They will always be better than everyone else and don’t you forget it!
Watch out for these red flags when you start dating someone . When someone shows you that they aren’t a good person, believe them the first time.