It has been an interesting course of events this past week. My ex-narc was caught and publicly blasted by his girlfriend (maybe ex-girlfriend now?) for being with this obsession when she went away for a girl’s trip. She used the same exact phrase that I used when I kicked him to the curb “I hope she was worth it”.
All the heat and bullying that I get for publishing this blog (without using names and without advertising it on my main social media page), and she posted this and tagged him on Facebook. While I wonder how the friends who refused to speak to me after they became aware of the blog feel about her post, I want to give her a high-five. The post was well-deserved, and she clearly has had enough of this evil woman, and his lies, just like I had. This woman isn’t been a nice person and he will dog her after things happen (like when she called me a fat fuck & said they must have taken my common sense when they took my tumor) but then go right back to kissing her ass and buying her things. Anything said about her was just to appease me. Not to mention he never defended me when she would disrespect me.
While I hope, for her sake, that she breaks away for good this time, I know, this isn’t her first rodeo with him and she has taken him back in the past. I say this without judgement, since I did the same thing, multiple times and each time he just got sneakier and the treatment ultimately got worse. I know how easy it is to get sucked into the narcissistic hoovering spell. Hell, I could probably tell you exactly what he’s going to say. This is my best guess for some of the lines he might use:
I was sad because it was the anniversary of my dad’s passing (even though he had the wrong date in his Facebook post, but he needed to post it around the same time as being blasted for what he did, in order to gain some positive feedback and sympathy).
I’m under a lot of stress with my mom getting older and sick.
The business is stressing me out.
She needed my help with something.
I didn’t know she was coming.
She’s just a friend.
I don’t know how to accept true love.
I have a hard time accepting someone who loves me unconditionally.
You’re the one I love and want to be with forever- not her.
I promise, won’t see her again (the biggest line of bullshit there is since I was promised that a dozen times)
I’m not as strong as you- I’m a weak person.
I think I’m depressed or something and need to change my medication.
I will go to therapy to try to understand why I’m like this.
I can’t be without you- you’re the love of my life.
My dog will die if you leave.
When you’re with a narcissist, the game never changes, just the characters do. It took me a long time to understand narcissism, but now that I have, life has gotten much easier.
The reason it’s so hard to cut the cord, is they aren’t always rotten. They have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality, making it very difficult for the brain to process. You don’t want to believe that they are a terrible person, because you see them being generous to an elderly person, or crying about a death or animal, or making sweet gestures on occasion. These breadcrumbs of what appear to be kindness, fuck with your mind and cause you to believe that they do have good in them, which is exactly what they are trying to accomplish. They say that it can be harder to quit a narcissist than it is to quit heroin. It’s that mind-fuckery and trauma bonding that cause you to go back over and over again.
I was shocked to see his face at a birthday party for a mutual friend this weekend- I don’t know how he wasn’t embarrassed and ashamed for what he did. I’m sure most of his Facebook friends saw the post but he was there, acting like nothing happened, drinking his beer and bitching about his new boat that just had an engine failure- yes, another boat that shit the bed right after purchasing it. Maybe he should think about all the things that are happening around him and realize that they might be signs. He was supposed to buy me out of the business, but bought a boat instead. Not only did he not seem to be bothered by the course of events, but he even sent me a text after I left the party asking me about my tan. I am bewildered, yet not surprised at the same time. It must be nice to ruin peoples lives and then go about your business. Anyway, I digress….
He likes to triangulate with that bitch at the WORST times. For me it was when I had brain surgery, was away with friends or family, visiting my sick grandmother, at a child’s event that he was supposed to be at, etc. For her it was when she was at her mother’s dying bedside – the most VULNERABLE moment of her life- what a horrible thing to do to a person. Then as she is trying to spend a weekend away to de-stress – anything to ruin her good time.
This man has made sure that her (his girlfriend) and I don’t like each other, but I would bet you any amount money, under different circumstances, we most definitely would not only get along, but we would be friends. I have heard all good things about her and have never had an issue directly with her, only with him.
I’m sure in the beginning she thought I still had feelings for him or wanted to be with him but has since learned the truth. The only impact he has on my life is the business and the mutual friends that he told to hate me (I know now that those are not real friends). Those two factors were and are my only concern relating to him, other than the most important person, his daughter. Her and I have remained on great terms and are very close. I am beyond grateful that she didn’t let his opinion sway her because I couldn’t imagine losing her.
As I sit back and watch Karma take its course, I am preparing for the next chapter in my life, a chapter that doesn’t include contact with him. A chapter that includes peace. A chapter that allows me to remove unnecessary stress. A chapter that allows me time to write my book. I want nothing more than to help others learn about narcissism before they end up damaged- mentally, and physically. I wish I knew about it before so that I didn’t have to experience it firsthand, but now that I have, my goal is to help as many people as I can avoid going through what I went through. If it’s too late for them, I want to help them heal and move on. This type of relationship makes you feel isolated, embarrassed, and alone. No victim deserves to feel that way.
Note: the attached texts are an example of just a couple of the many times that this bitch interfered with our lives. I must have two dozen more messages like this.