It’s been just over a year and a half and with every passing day, week and month, it gets easier. It helped that I fell out of love with him long before we split because I became disgusted with his behavior and with him in general, but the healing is much more than separating your heart. The healing is all of the time you spend convincing yourself that it wasn’t you, that you didn’t deserve the abuse, that you were good enough, and understanding that you were the victim.
The healing is letting go of the guilt of not leaving sooner, exposing your children, family and friends to this monster.
The healing is remembering who you were before they sucked you into their drama and hell.
The healing is knowing your worth and realizing that you deserve nothing but the best.
I saw him at a company meeting earlier this week and it was the most amazing feeling because I felt indifferent that he was there. His presence didn’t impact me one bit- he was just another person in the room. Since I hadn’t seen him in quite some time, I didn’t know how or if it would impact me- but it didn’t impact me in any way. This is how I know I’m healing.
The other aspect of healing is learning to accept the love that I have been blessed with. It took me a long time to realize that I was deserving of the love, affection and attention that I am given. My boyfriend is the most thoughtful, caring and loving man I have ever met and it was very hard for me to accept his love at first. It took me time take the wall down and allow myself to be vulnerable with him, yet at the same time, I was so comfortable with him.
Our relationship is night and day compared to what I had and he, as a person, is the polar opposite of the narcissist. This man is selfless, affectionate, accommodating, loving, full of compliments, and he is the most amazing listener. He remembers everything I tell him; he marks his calendar with important dates, he spends time talking to my kids about real life, he starts my car for me, makes my coffee and breakfast, brings me little surprises, and is adored by family and friends.
His aura is so calming that even if I’m frazzled by life, he brings me peace. We have still not had an argument because we know how to talk things through. The best thing about this man is that he supports me in every aspect of life and I can always be myself.
Now my purpose with this blog continues to educate others, to support others and to help others heal. I will help you identify the red flags before its too late. I will help you get out, if its too late. I will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is life after the narcissist and that life is amazing!
I’m back bitches. Coming next… more blogs and working on my book.