I will sweep you off your feet and make you think that I’m everything you have ever wanted. You’ll ask me how I’m still single after all these years and will feel so blessed to have met me. I’m perfect for you. I pretend to love all the same things you do. I will shower you with gifts, and flowers, I’ll take you to fancy dinners, and on vacations, to keep you distracted from the truth. All of the compliments I give you will make you feel so special, and loved. I will make everyone in your circle love me. I will talk about our future and tell you that I want to marry you. Things will move fast and you will believe that you have met “the one”.

Once I have you hooked and you’re in love, I will start to slowly cut you down. I will gradually (so gradually, you won’t even notice) insult all of the things that I complimented. I will body shame you. I will make you feel like you don’t deserve an amazing man like me. I will lie to you and not feel guilty about it. I will be unfaithful, but it will be your fault. I will flirt with any female that I find attractive, even in front of your face, and will tell you that you’re insecure when it bothers you. I will have inappropriate conversations and friendships but you cannot do the same. You must stay loyal, even though I will never be loyal to you. I will get bored of you and need something new, or to triangulate you with the person I actually want to be with because I can’t have her.

Once you see through my bullshit and threaten to leave, I will be on my best behavior and leave you breadcrumbs of love to reel you back in. I will cry, beg, plead and blame my past for my actions, while never really holding myself accountable for whatever I did to break you. I will tell you that I can’t live without you. I will kiss your ass and shower you with more gifts and attention until you’re right back to where I want you to be- then the insults, lying and abuse will start all over again. I will confuse you, and fuck with your emotions to make you feel crazy. You will be too embarrassed to talk to your friends or family about me because no one would believe you. After all, I’m such a great guy. You will find yourself defending me to your family and friends once they suspect something is wrong. You will stay because you want to fix me- but truth be told, I can’t be fixed and I don’t want to be. I will pretend to love you but I’m only with you because I don’t want to be alone and I need someone to control. I need someone to run my errands, make my phone calls and take care of all the things that I don’t want to. You need to serve a purpose in my life but don’t expect me to be there for you in your time of need- I have better things to do.

You will lose your shit and tell me to fuck off, but it won’t last. I will hoover (https://fiercelyanya.com/2020/09/18/hoovering/) you until you break down. We will dance this dance until you finally hate me as much as you thought you loved me. After at least three to four times of this, you will finally leave for good, unless I have already discarded you.

Then you will be free, but not completely, because you will suffer from what I put you through and continue to question your sanity. You will eventually get your voice and strength back but it will require a lot of self-care and healing. You will wish that you never met me, and learn what to look for the next time around.

Don’t fall in love with me- it won’t end well.

Actual things that were said to me:

In the love bombing phase:https://fiercelyanya.com/2019/12/15/love-bombing/

“You’re amazing”

“You’re beautiful”

“You’re so smart”

“You’re a great mother”

“You’re my soulmate”

Once the devaluing began:

“Apparently your ex-husband made you nuts”

“You’re mental”

“You’ll feel bad when I’m laying on the table with toe tag and it’s your fault”

“Your kids are lazy – you’re a shitty mother”

“Treat him like a cunt- he will be a cunt” (referring to my son)

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