Making the bed

I was telling someone how I still have PTSD about making my bed. “You don’t even know how to make a fucking bed-pull the sides down! Have you ever heard of hospital corners for God’s sake?” Those are words I would hear just about every day.

I also sucked at folding clothes which is probably why you find my clothes sitting in the basket I put them with when they come out of the dryer. Not that there was much that I could do right but certain things still haunt me on a daily basis and give me severe anxiety that I have to face every day.

From body issues because I never looked good enough, to the way I perform household chores, I second guess everything I do, everything I eat, and everything I wear.

Narcissists nitpick everything you do in order to beat down every ounce of self-worth that you may have. This allows them to keep you under their controlling existence because you feel that you are not worthy to be with anyone else. You start to believe that you really do suck at everything. That you aren’t good enough. This is how they suck you into their hellish world and you get stuck there for longer than you would ever stay if you were in your regular state of mind.

Having to deal with the very man who created this trauma still in my day to day life because of our professional connection is really wearing on me. In addition, I’m trying to maintain my connection to some of our authentic mutual friends who haven’t been sucked into his bullshit and members of his family who I still love.  He has made this challenging because he can’t handle that he can’t control the situation and that these people still want to be part of my life. He is guilting them and making it very challenging. Once he realized that this time, his manipulative attempts to get me back were not going to work, he quickly changed his tune from singing my praises to spewing horrible statements about me to anyone who would listen. I became the villain and yet another one of his crazy exes.

What he should be doing is thanking me for not telling his girlfriend the truth about everything he has done to me and in general. He should be thankful that I haven’t sent her screenshots, cards and letters of all of the messages he sent me while they were dating. He should be thanking me for not letting the cat out of the bag about his female friend who he was (admittedly) obsessed with during our entire relationship and has brought back into his life and around this new girlfriend.

I’ve sat back quietly in order to try to maintain peace in my life and to keep him away from me and occupied with her but he continues to abuse me from a distance. There is only so much one person can take.