Maybe it’s my naivety but I thought that when he proposed and committed to being a husband that he would behave in a way that a husband would. I expected him to set his priorities that would obviously include his friends but put me as his priority. I expected him to want to spend time with me, my kids and in our home but I was very wrong. He goes out 2-4 times a week right now, more often 3-4 times and doesn’t consider any of us before he does that. To top it off, I recently had surgery on my foot preventing me from doing much of anything, including driving, cooking, cleaning etc. Instead of being home and caring for me, he was out the night after my surgery and many nights since. He has focused on his friends and living his previous bachelor lifestyle rather than bothering to stay home and care for me. He actually bitched when he had to take care of me for more than one night during the week and actually gave me attitude when I asked him to fill my water or get things for me.
This entire experience has baffled me completely. If my future husband was sick or injured I would make sure to be home with him every night and cater to all of his needs. I would keep him company, cook for him, bring him whatever he needed and make sure that he was comfortable, Hell I do that for him now when he isn’t sick or injured.
It’s becoming clear to me that we are completely different people. He is there for his friends for ANYTHING they need and honestly if one more person tells me what a nice guy he is I may punch them in the face. He is nice to everyone else but the woman he asked to marry him and takes care of him 24/7. They don’t live with him and listen to his demands, yelling and lecturing every damn day.
I was married to an impossible man for 10 years but you know what? When I was recovering from a C Section and Breast reduction, he literally took care
of my wounds, bathed me and would have wiped my ass if I needed him to.
This complete disconnect from me and lack of respect or empathy is something I can’t process. And if being with his friends is more important than taking care of his future wife then I cant change that. He will realize it when he is old and ailing and doesn’t have a devoted wife by his side to care for him.