Not your typical Grandma

My almost 82 year old grandma had some words of wisdom for me after my recent break-up. This is why she is not your typical grandma:

1) She is on Facebook(that in itself is not typical) but not on the Facebook alias that I have linked to this blog, yet she managed to navigate her way through various sites and not only locate my blog but read it. NOT GOOD.

2) She called me and started off by saying, “I hope you’re not going to take him back. The fact that he was known for sexting is so immature and ridiculous.” THE FACT THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT SEXTING IS DISTURBED ME MORE THAN THE ACTUAL STATEMENT THAT SHE MADE.

3) She then says that she knew from the start that this wasn’t going to work. She says that he served a historical purpose in my life and was there for me when I had cancer but his time is over and it’s time to move on. She then tells me the now famous quote “You were too much for him and he wasn’t enough for you” NO ARGUMENT THERE.

4) When I tell her that while I appreciate her advice I know that she has been searching for the right man for the last 35 years (since her divorce) so she needed to let me make my own way. She tells me, “No I have NOT, I want to be single. I had my share of boyfriends and I don’t want one and I certainly don’t want to live with one. Men are a pain in the ass” COULDN’T ARGUE WITH HER THERE.

5) Next she says that they are always nicer to you after you break up with them. The guy she broke up with and has known for 17 years still fixes things for her, brings her food and takes her places so she tells me to keep him as a friend. GOT IT.

6) She then says “Listen, I’m sure he was a good sexual partner but he’s not a life partner” I HAD NO RESPONSE TO THAT BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER DISCUSSING MY SEX LIFE SILENCED ME FOR A GOOD 10 MINUTES.

7) Lastly she tells me that “When a man leaves, you have to shut the door behind him”

END OF STORY.

This woman really knows her shit. I hope she can’t find my blog again because it’s only gotten worse on here since that last conversation and I am afraid of what she might bring up next.